Long Distance- Relationships

[Phases]

So distances have drove us apart

But the love I have for you will not part

You aint only cute u also really smart

And u are more then 50% of my love chart

I have to admit that ur smile drives me wild

Around you I constantly feel like a child

People describe love as stupid and blind

In there descrprition they mention its impossible to find

But in you i found more then i wished

I still cant get over the fact we never kissed

To be honest i think its a complete crime

To show u how much i love u I would build a shrine

To be honest I love ur body but more ur soul

Which I am grateful you havnt sold

And I do admit yo are really cute

And I love the way u stomp ur feet when u are mad

I also find the way u talk to me simply fab

If I ever lost you I would not survive that stab

To have u i am more then glad

Even though u love to get mad




At the end of the say all is I Love You!

[scottdrop]

sound like you need a new thesaurus or sumthin

[thegrimm]

ok pretty simplistic on an ungodly scale. You have the potential to be very good you just need to broaden your horizon in words and techniques. your rhyming words, way to simplistic. I understood where you were coming from and have felt some similiar emotions, BUT you could have done a lil better. I'm not trying to break you down a few notches, I'm trying to build you up some. I'm gonna be straight and to the point about what i read, don't take it offensively, I've been around the block with a number of places like this. This is nothing new, and you can and will improve. I haven't read any of your other stuff yet, but this one, needs some upgrading. it seems like you wrote this in a spur of the moment act, which is highly possible. those ones are always the worst, but thats ok, when you gotta write you gotta write.