First One :D

[Dysasta Mami]

Well... I lost a friend today and I wrote a poem dedication to her:

Sisters By Heart

I have a very special friend,
who I will love to the very end.
Nothing about her I despise;
To me, she's my angel in disguise.

She made me laugh until I couldn't breathe;
She was there to help me believe.
Her presences, her smiles, were simple ways-
That really did complete my days.

Once I told her that things were unfair,
I know she was mad but she showed me her care.
She said that she understands all that I feel;
I'm her best friend, and its not a big deal.

She really knew all the right things to say.-
How to ease the pain and take it all away.
I never imagined that i could be so lucky,
that she will always be right there, beside me

But as I write this poem, I cant help but cry-
And I wish - that it was just one big lie.

Because the time has come for the two of us to go our seperate ways
As I sit here and reminence about the past...
How I wish that it could last.

I'll wait for the days, that it will happen again,
And make sure that they never end.
And so, to my best friend, this I promise-
You will be in my heart for always

You'll never know how much you mean to me.
And how you made my world different than what others can see
Even thought we are not born from the same mother
There's a special bond that will stay, forever

This will never break, even though we're apart
Because we will always be- SISTERS BY HEART

[Atti?]

this was actually pretty cool, because of your dependance on emotive text. although this was lacking a bit in terms of fundamentally developed styling and refined technique, there was always a sense of authenticity throughout that made it a piece you could love. one suggestion, drop the rhyming. meter in poetry is the single most overrrated aspect. people thing that it's necissity and put in generic patterns as in this, and it gives the piece a 'humpty dumpty' type of metrical assortment to it. so, nice piece for your first though. write more :)

[TuRbO]

its a nice deep poem

[Dysasta Mami]

ah it's not my first... its just something i wrote this morning so that i could read it to the family, something that they would thoroughly understand without having to think too much about metaphors or having too much similes... just something plain and simple =)

thanks alot for the feedback on the real. +props
alot of constructive critique, i love that.
i'll be posting more soon, thanks to you.

[TuRbO]

ah it's not my first... its just something i wrote this morning so that i could read it to the family, something that they would thoroughly understand without having to think too much about metaphors or having too much similes... just something plain and simple =)

thanks alot for the feedback on the real. +props
alot of constructive critique, i love that.
i'll be posting more soon, thanks to you.
yeah i saw the emotion you put in the poem, must of been a really close friend. sorry about your loss.

[carljohnson]

very nice....sorry about your friend...

[operations2]

Beautiful tribute to your friend.. I could feel the emotion.

[illusionist]

Werd... Real shii' from the heart is always good...